Survival

I recently read a book called The Survivor's Club. It was about how people survive, what gives them an edge, why some persevere and others simply give up. It recounted stories of cancer, unemployment, car accidents, mountain lion attacks, you name it. Anyway I've been thinking a lot about surviving lately. We had a couple of weeks I wondered if I'd survive. Now of course these were minor in comparison to having your face ripped off by a mountain lion, surviving cancer or having acid dumped on you but it was what I've been dealt...so far. Our family got a respiratory flu for about a week and then Luke's turned into pneumonia which triggered asthma and put him in the hospital for 3 days. That was a first for us, because a)I've never had the flu for that long and b)we've never had a kid in the hospital, scary. It definitely made me grateful for the time we live in. I couldn't help but think about the flu epidemic of 1918 when so many died from it. I hope we never have to survive something like that.
I think sometimes we can equate survival to the good times as well, like say surviving a family reunion. We had a great time, horseback riding, eating, fishing, eating, chasing kids, eating, laughing, eating...there was a lot of adrenaline going on and when that was gone I got violently ill for about 4 hours, probably something I ate. But I survived and with some great memories. All in all survival is one of those things that comes in all shapes and sizes, it can be small or huge and life changing, it can be very public or it can be something no one is ever aware of, it could be a trial and a burden or a satisfied sigh at the end of an amazing adventure. Regardless of what package it comes in we are all survivors.

Calling all Conservatives - The Follow Up

Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post and for the interest you expressed. What I decided to do was find a group that was already formed. I used meetup.com and found a local group of conservatives that get together to discuss the books they are reading and talk about what they can do to make a difference politically and otherwise. We are meeting Tuesday, March 31st if anyone is interested in going with me. I'm a little nervous so wish me luck!

My Birthday Date

I posted earlier that I was looking for a good place to eat for my birthday and thank you for all the wonderful suggestions I now have a long list to choose from for future outings. My choice was highly influenced by Gordonfan's suggestion of Rib City. I love a good barbecue so I did a little research and went with Burbank's. It was very good, the price was right, not super crowded and the service was super fast. The onion log was very tasty though I wouldn't recommend getting it for just two people. It would be enough to feed five easily. We also got the pulled pork sandwich which came with cole slaw, very good, and a side. I got mashed potatoes and gravy which was just average and Mark got the sweet potato casserole which was deeelicious! I was practically licking the bowl and I'm not even a sweet potato fan, I normally pass it right on to the next person on Thanksgiving. Very tasty, I highly recommend Burbank's especially if you enjoy southern cooking and the humor of Earl Pitts!

After dinner we headed off to Borders Bookstore for hot cocoa, chocolate chip cookies, and good conversation. It was so nice to have an uninterrupted discussion with my husband. Then we just wandered around the store together and separately checking out this and that. I could spend hours browsing a book store, the quiet, the books, even the smell, I had forgotten how much I like doing that. It was a wonderful night. Thanks Mark for making my birthday a great one! I love you.

Finding my Anchor

As most of you know, I recently spent 4 days with my mom in the counties surrounding Philadelphia. Describing all I learned about myself, where I came from and the changes that I am making in myself because of those 4 days is difficult, but I am going to try. I think it is very healthy to get away by ourselves from time to time. It allows us to find our anchor and become grounded so we can remember what's important.

I love to be surrounded by history and what a perfect setting for history, not just of our nation but of my family. My mother's ancestors lived (and some still do) in this area since the early 1700's so it provided a wealth of information on those ancestors.

I was able to reconnect with my grandparents who passed on when I was in high school. We visited their grave sites and heard story after story about what they were like. Sometimes I feel we are robbed when our grandparents die before we are able to get to know them as adults. We lived close by when I was small but I don't have many memories of that. Then my grandfather got Alzheimer's and my grandmother suffered from cancer so I never really got to know them for who they are. What a blessing to know we will have that chance someday.
I know where I got my name but I rarely think about the person for whom I am named. Most of the time I begrudge the fact that my name is so old fashioned and correct people when they mistakenly refer to me as Dorothy instead of Dory but I don't feel that way now, I learned that my grandmother was well liked, enjoyed antiques (like me) and had an easy disposition. It is because of the faith of these grandparents that I have the gospel of Christ in my life today. That is nothing to be ashamed of. As I learn about my ancestors through family history research it makes me so excited to get to meet them when we all pass on.

So along with the Philly cheese steaks, Tastee Kakes and soft pretzels I have found many more things to love about Pennsylvania.

Here are a few pictures of places we visited.

Berks Co. Historical Society - where I found some great information. Including that my 3rd Great-grand father fought in the Civil War.

The city of Reading

PA The train station in Langhorne, PA where my great- grandfather worked as a telegraph operator.

The farm house where my mother grew up.

You Made My Day

I normally am not a big fan of Valentines Day. I expect very little, I give very little. Today has changed my opinion thanks to the planning of my incredibly, wonderful, and good looking husband. Below are pictures of my surprise this morning.

Mark got up extra early this morning (a huge sacrifice) to literally clean the entire house! That's right ladies, I woke up to a clean kitchen, living room and basement. Leaving me free to fill my day with the things I want to do and none of the guilt of, "I really should be cleaning." The above message was left for me by my Jackson.
I found this lovely poster filled with my favorite treats. Below are taped two packets of wild flower seeds. These roses were on the kitchen table.

Here is an interpretation of the poster, each kid took a line: Mom, You are a "Jolly Rancher"! You have "Smarties" in your pants! (that's a Jacksonism) I love you "Now&Later"! (Something in Luke language) & "Kissables". (Liam) "Crunch". Naptime mom "Take 5"! We have very few "Dollars"! All of us "Runts" here in "Peanutopolis" may drive you "nuts" but we love you very much!

To finish off my perfect day Mark and I are going out to dinner tonight and then coming home to watch our favorite show, Lost!
Wow, my family's great! I love them so much. Thanks guys for really making my day!

MINE!!!!!

So who appointed me referee? Is that in the job description? If so, I got no job training! I am so tired of having to decide who gets "the toy", why is this my decision? Ok, here's the senario...said toy is laying innocently on the floor. No one has noticed it for some time now. Child A picks it up and begins to quietly play. Child B to whom the toy technically belongs enters the room and notices Child A and you know what hits the fan! So, as a loving parent, what do I do? Yes, the toy is Child B's but Child B hadn't touched the toy in eons and should learn to share. I tend to lean in favor of Child A but what about ownership? I DON'T KNOW AND I'M SICK OF IT!!!!!! Please someone come to my aid and give me some ingenious way to be fair and consistent. PLEASE!

I've Been Tagged

This is for Amy and Robin, sorry it took so long.

I've Been Tagged!
A. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning.
B. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
C. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

10 years ago: That would be January 1998, Mark and I were dating, I was living in Cincinnati doing and internship for graduate school (which I never finished). Teaching gospel doctrine and working at the Cincinnati Zoo. Wait a minute! This is all sounding very familiar, I guess I took a 10 year break in my life and now I'm picking up where I left off.

5 things on my to-do list today:

1. Finally do this post
2. Take a nap
3. Go to my last animal handling training at the zoo.
4. Do the dishes
5. Fold the laundry

Snacks I enjoy:

1. Hot Chocolate and Graham crackers
2. Salted almonds (with or without chocolate)
3. Artichoke dip
4. Chips and homemade salsa

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

1. Pay off our debt
2. Buy the farm of my dreams
3. Make sure my parents and in laws could retire comfortably
4. Take Jackson to the "heart of Africa"
5. Make sure my friends and family had what they needed

3 of my bad habits:

1. Procrastination
2. Saying things I later regret
3. Clutter

5 places I have lived:

1. Slidell, LA
2. St. Cloud, FL
3. Provo, UT
4. Cincinnati, OH
5. Bronx, NY

5 jobs I have had:

1. Farm hand in an orange grove
2. Early AM janitorial at the BYU Tanner Bldg
3. Cincinnati Zoo, Misc. teaching jobs
4. Wheeler Historic Farm Camp Counselor
5. Naturalist for Cincinnati Parks

5 things people don't know about me:

1. Played soccer as a kid
2. I went to a Milli Vanilli concert in high school
3. I was stung by a Man o War while snorkeling in the Keys
4. I always got teased for being so pale
5. Sorry, that's about all I've got. I'm pretty much an open book.

I tag David, Sara Craven and Julie.

I Should Have Known

I should have known it was going to be a bad day when I woke up at 3 am and there were 4 in the bed instead of 2.

I should have known when I got all the kids up this morning, fed them breakfast and then found out there was no school.

I should have known when after a sustained amount of silence (I know, I should know better) I walked into the kitchen to find this:

I should have known when all this happened before 9:30 am.

If that wasn't enough to give you a laugh try these...

Savanna: Mom! I won't go to bed unless I have candy!

Mom: Savanna, I don't listen to ultimatums.

Savanna: You don't listen to tomatoes?


After Mark made some sort of smart comment Jackson said, "Dad, you've got smarties in your pants!"

Resolutions Revisited

Okay, I think I'm ready.
There are two things that I would like to do better this year. The first will allow me to improve a lot of other areas in my life such as exercise, scripture study, cleaner house, etc. And what is this miracle resolution? Getting the kids to bed on time. You see, the reason Mark and I don't accomplish the things we want to is because by the time the kids are asleep (notice I did not say in bed.) all we want to do is veg in front of the TV or just talk to each other (I know, a novel idea). So, by the time we go to bed it is midnight and then we don't want to get up early enough to do anything worthwhile. So, with the kids down by 8pm we have 2 whole hours to do non-constructive stuff and then get up before the kids and do the constructive stuff! What do you think about that?! The hard part is actually doing it, but it's a great theory.

The second thing I want to do this year is be more involved. I want to practice what I preach and "stand strong and immovable" for what I believe in. I thought I'd start by sharing some websites with you that I feel are worthwhile.

www.cp80.com This is an organization that fights internet pornography by pushing for change in legislation so that you could choose whether you want porn on your computer just like you choose if you want HBO on your television. I love this idea of protecting freedom of speech while also protecting my right not to have unwanted sites in my home. I think with enough people fighting for it it could happen.

www.purefashion.com "Pure Fashion is a faith-based program that encourages teen girls to live, act, and dress in accordance with their dignity as children of God. Pure Fashion focuses on guiding young women ages 14 to 18 to become confident, competent leaders who live the virtues of modesty and purity in their schools and communities." (I love this!)

I am completely out of my comfort zone with this. It's not something that comes naturally but I feel like it's something I need to do. Please feel free to share ideas and encouragement, that's what blogs are for, right?

Resolutions

Resolutions. That word brings fear and dread to my heart. Actually, I take that back. It all depends on my mood. Today it does. When I'm feeling overwhelmed. When I feel in control and hopeful I love making resolutions. Maybe I should wait...I think I will.

Great Recipe

I tried this recipe from the free Kraft Food & Family magazine I get in the mail and loved it. It tasted great and has a great presentation. Super for impressing guests. The only thing I may try next time is substituting the Ritz crackers with Italian bread crumbs but the crackers were fine. Hope you like it.

Chicken Parmesan Bundles

If you don't get this magazine in the mail I think there is a link on the web site to get it. It's free and nice to have around when writing a grocery list.

Our Deepest Fear

My sister-in-law Sara put this quote on her blog recently and I wanted to share it with all my blog friends. You may have heard it quoted in Akeelah and the Bee.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~Marianne Williamson

Lately I have heard a lot of friends talk about feelings of inadequacy and self doubt, wondering how others may perceive them. I wish we could all see ourselves as "brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous". We see each other that way, why is it so hard to see ourselves that way too? We teach our youth about individual worth and divine nature, how can we teach that when we have such a hard time embracing it as adults? I think it must be an ongoing process. One of those principles that, for most, takes a life time to reach.

What are your thoughts on this?

P.S. I was talking to Leslie after I posted this and she got me thinking. So I'm adding another quesion. After reading the quote, do you agree? Is this "our deepest fear"?

Halloween and the Freedom of Choice

Wow, what a Halloween. We haven't had this much drama in I don't know how long! It all started about the middle of September when I innocently asked, "What do you guys want to be for Halloween this year?" The responses I received were reasonable enough, Harry Potter, Ballerina, Superman and oh ya Liam didn't respond but just wait, he's got drama too. I'm thinking, great Harry Potter should be easy enough, we have a ballerina costume and Luke was Superman last year. Boy was I wrong!

Jackson - The only problem he had was that his Harry Potter glasses kept breaking. So I really can't complain. Let's move on.

Luke - I decided to ask a friend if we could borrow her son's Harry Potter costume and it turned out that she also had one of those muscle Superman costumes. Great, I'm thinking Luke will love that. Wrong, he wouldn't go near it, wouldn't even try it on. Even with all my cajoling and I'm a real cajoler he just kept saying "No, it's too big". So, he wore his homemade costume from last year, fine, I can handle that.

Liam - Liam was a little tricky. I didn't think I had an old costume his size so I decided he would make the cutest little vampire. We'd slick back his hair, put a cape on him...here in lies the problem. After much searching a friend lent me the cutest little cape and I didn't' even have to make it! And of course, you guessed it, he wouldn't keep it on for anything! So he went in the skeleton costume I made for Luke when he was only 7 months old. Go figure, he was a big kid.

Savanna - OK, last but not least my lovely queen of drama. Savanna went through four costumes this year. The ballerina was never worn, for the church party she was Dora the Explorer, the school party got Snow White and as seen from the picture below, Trick or Treat was honored with Sleeping Beauty (all of which we already owned). Why you may ask. I believe it stems from DNA or her amazing skills of observation. Yes that's right, I take full responsibility. I was a very indecisive child and although I have learned to work with this trait it has carried over to a degree into adulthood. From the day of the church party every time I asked "What are you going to be?" I have heard," I don't knooooow, I have too many choices." I wish you could hear the voice. With every Halloween event we went through it again culminating in hysterics. On Halloween night it didn't help having Jackson screaming from the front door, "Come on, let's go!" Threatening to leave her home didn't help, it just took the hysterics to a whole new level. I finally had to say, "if you can't make your own choice I will have to make it for you." Then put the costume on her through lots of tears. She never fought me though, I wonder if she wanted me to decide for her, who knows. Anyway all's well that ends well. Once we got out the door, we had a great time and the kids got a great haul. So here's to Halloween and the freedom of choice, but maybe not too many.

Anyone know a Lawyer?

I have a question and any input would be helpful. After spending 20 or so minutes waiting for someone to help me in the fabrics department at Wal-Mart...(Grrrrr), I purchased some military themed fabric I intend to make into a quilt and then hopefully, sell. I returned home and while showing it to my husband noticed on the selvage (edge of the fabric) was printed the following statement: THE LOGOS APPEARING ON THIS FABRIC ARE PROTECTED TRADEMARKS OF AIR FORCE. THIS PRODUCT IS INTENDED FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY. ANY UNAUTHORIZED USE IS PROHIBITED.

After finding the company's website I found that indeed this meant I was not to resell anything made from this fabric. So here's the question...Do they have any legal right to say this? I bought it, shouldn't I be able to do with it what I want? I'm a third party, can they tell me what I can do with my fabric? I can understand not making physical changes to the logos and then selling it, but I'm not doing that. Is this legal? I don't want to be dishonest, and won't sell it if it is. I bought another military fabric with the same logo but designed differently from another company and no such statement was on it. What do you think? Any suggestions?

Favorite Things

I attended a "Time Out for Women" conference recently and Hilary Weeks did a very funny rendition of "Favorite Things" from Sound of Music with a parenting twist. Anyway, it inspired me to write a version of my own.

Before I begin, I'd like to thank all the little people, like Julie Andrews for the original version. My mom, for singing it to me at night when I was scared. My kids, for asking to have it sung to them, thus passing on the tradition. Oprah, because I love her Favorite Things show...you get the idea. So, without further ado, here are a "Few of my Favorite Things".

Summer and good books and chocolate and road trips.

Porch swings and hiking and Graeter's ice cream.

Nights full of thunder, the smell of the rain

Camping and planning don't make me complain.

When it's cold out, when I'm hungry.

When I'm feeling sad, I dance with the kids or

have dinner with friends and then I don't

feel so bad.

Fireflies and girl's night and walks in the woods.

A date with my husband sure makes me feel good.

A laugh from Savanna and Liam's smile.

Jackson's inventions and Luke's crazy style.

When I'm tired, stressed or cranky

When I'm feeling sad.

I chat on the phone, have a hot chocolate fix,

and then I don't feeeeeel sooo bad!!!

I hope that wasn't too awful. So, what would you put on your favorite things list?

Autumn Blues

I am a scientist at heart, and like things to be explainable, but the power of the human brain continues to baffle and amaze me. I have been thinking lately about the effect that autumn has on me. Does anyone ever get the blues in autumn or is it just me? Most of my friends just looove autumn. I guess I know why, I mean the leaves are beautiful and it is nice not to have it 100 degrees outside but for some reason it always makes me melancholy, sentimental and nauseous. I looove the summer, so maybe the arrival of cool, windy weather is a bad omen of the next six gloomy months to come. Maybe that is why it feels so sad to me. Maybe the cool air of the fall causes memories to be just as clear and crisp as it is. I served a mission in New York and it may sound like a cliche but autumn in New York is amazing and the strength of this memory is seared in my brain. You may think "well, that's a nice memory, what's the problem?" The problem is that now, mixed with those sharp autumn emotions, is that (and maybe you ladies can feel my pain on this) I get phantom morning sickness in the fall. All my babies were born in the spring, so 4 out of the past 8 autumns have been mingled with nausea. A month ago, in the dead heat of August, I saw a television clip of a father and son walking in New York in the fall. I was instantly queezy. Tell me that's not weird! The smells, sounds and for some reason, even the change of temperature, now all trigger this phantom nauseous sentimental melancoly. The body is so amazing! The power of our brains to induce such emotional memories is incredible! And then, to force them into our physical senses so easily, makes me think that there is so much more to our mental capacities than we ever tap into. Too bad all this brain power can't help me find that lost pacifier that Liam has been screaming for for the last hour.

Why the Title?

Well, here I am writing my first posting and since I'm such a novice and really don't even know what to do with this blog yet I thought I would explain the title. Hopefully the blog will evolve on it's own and take on a life of it's own. Anyway, I digress. I was looking for a title that would encompass who I am and what I am passionate about and i came up with "Looking for Space" I got it from a John Denver song who, I don't care what anyone thinks, I LOVE! There I said it! Wow this blog thing is really therapeutic...So the title, ya, I really feel like I am in constant search of space, elbow room, peace. For those of you who don't know, Mark and I have a goal to own a small hobby farm. It is why we are in Ohio, so we can get a better education, make more money and get our farm. We like to drive through the back roads of Ohio and just ooh and aah over little Victorian homes on acres of land. It's what brings me peace. When I'm out in the woods or hills or meadows I feel like I can finally breath. Not that I'm not happy where I am, It's just what keeps me going. My favorite place in my home is the back deck where I can watch the kids play, bats darting for bugs in the evening and when the fireflies come out. So why the title? Because right now it's who I am and what drives me, it's what I want for myself and my family.



So, how about you? What drives you? If you had to title your life, what would it be?